My Only Sunshine
by Bipbop-dipdop
Summary: Transcendence AU oneshot. Four times Dipper realized how much he cared for Toby, and the one time that it was too late. (Cover image credit to macaroonsie on tumblr).


_You are my sunshine_

 _My only sunshine_

 _You make me happy_

 _When skies are gray_

 _You'll never know dear_

 _How much I love you_

 _So please don't take my sunshine away_

* * *

 _Toby is nine._

He comes home from school, one eye bright and a smile stretched across his small face. He looks happy, but his aura gives away his nervousness, his fear.

 _Good_ , a part of Dipper, a part he'd rather forget, whispers. _Let him fear. It's what he deserves after all he's done._

The young boy rushes up to Dipper and hands him a small piece of paper. "I… I made you this." His aura shifts, showing more nervousness than it had before, and he backs away. Toby turns on his heel and runs off.

Dipper looks down at the small, slightly crumpled paper. On it is a sloppy drawing of three people-looking things. With a jolt Dipper realizes who they are, who Toby had drawn with crayons and pencil, who Toby had drawn with _care_ and _oh god does that say what I think it does-_

One little blob of crayon displayed a small boy with blonde hair and one eye, representing Toby. Another blob was a young girl with blonde hair and _oh that's his sister oh no_. A final crayon drawing was a black blob with brown hair and golden eyes floating above the children and Dipper knew _exactly_ who that was-

'My family' was written in messy scrawl at the bottom.

Dipper tried to tear it up, to throw it away, to burn it, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. The drawing, despite being messy, was obviously drawn with care and love. Dipper could feel it.

(And, though he refused to admit it, a part of Dipper loved the drawing. Loved the feeling of knowing he had a family again. Loved the feeling of not being entirely alone).

 _You are my sunshine_

-0-

 _Toby is thirteen._

Dipper feels his mood shift, his bliss turn into fear. Without a doubt Dipper knows that Toby is having a nightmare.

And it's a bad one.

He blips to Toby's room and finds the young boy tangled up in his own covers, tears streaming down his face. One look at his nightmare and he knows what it's about. His sister, the fire, her death…

Dipper snaps his fingers and a chair appears next to Toby's bed. He sits down in it and places his hand on Toby's head, ready to eat the nightmare.

But then he settles. The nightmare begins to fade. Dipper removes his hand, but the nightmare returns with full force. Toby begins to cry again, whispering desperate cries for his sister.

Dipper places his hand back on Toby's head. Toby presses up against his hand, and the nightmares start to fade.

Toby doesn't stop crying though, and Dipper begins to stroke his hair. _I'm not doing this because I care about you,_ he thinks. _I'm doing this because I don't want you to complain about not getting any sleep._

Toby hums as if he heard his thoughts, and Dipper scowls.

As Toby's nightmares disappear one by one, Dipper starts humming a tune. An ancient, forgotten lullaby that he remembers singing to his niblets when they were young.

Toby's tears stop.

As Dipper continues to stroke the young boy's hair, he realizes with a pang that Toby is all he has. That if he didn't have Toby, he'd be completely alone.

Without Toby, he would have nothing.

He continues to hum, his song developing words, before fading out entirely.

When Toby wakes up in the morning, Dipper is bent over in his seat, head on Toby's bed.

 _My only sunshine_

-0-

 _Toby is sixteen._

Dipper could feel when Mizar was reborn. He could feel their connection strengthen. Could feel it ground him to the corporeal world.

He could feel when Mizar was in pain. He could feel his link with them tighten. Could feel the pull, the desperate attempt to call for help.

He could feel when Mizar was said. He could feel the link droop, like it too was feeling the sadness.

He could feel when Mizar was happy. He could feel the waves of happiness go through to him through their link.

And Dipper could feel when Mizar died.

It was like a punch to the gut. A sudden feeling of lightness, and then all the air would rush out of him despite him not needing to breathe. He could feel his connection to the current Mizar _snap_ , and then rejoin as they reentered the cycle, but not as strong as before.

Dipper could feel how they died. If it was painful, if it was peaceful, if it was slow, if it was quick, if they were young, if they were old. He always tried to make it peaceful, but that was not always the case.

When Mizar was born, he would visit them as a baby, but wait until they were older before confronting them for real. But there were times, rare times, when that just didn't happen.

Dipper was floating near Toby, who was watching a cartoon, when he felt it. The connection between him and the current four-year-old Mizar tightened. He could feel the young girl's fear, could hear her scream as if she was standing next to him.

The bond tightened more and more and more and _make it stop please make it stop._

In a blind panic Dipper tried to blip away, but he couldn't. Just fifteen minutes ago he had made a deal with Toby to stay home and watch a cartoon with him, and the episode wasn't over yet. He searched for a loophole but couldn't and _damn him for teaching Toby how to make good deals._

The bond tightened to the point of it being painful. Dipper clutched his head as tears streamed down his face. He felt Toby shift and then jump of the couch, could hear him scramble to get away.

 _Mizar Mizar Mizar no please NOT MIZAR NOT MY MIZAR Mizar MIZAR MIZAR MABEL BELLE MIRA MAX MICHAELA MIZAR DON'T TOUCH HER DO NOT HURT HER_ _ **MIZAR-**_

 _Snap._

Dipper screamed.

He sobbed and screamed but it was useless because she was _dead_ and it had been _slow_ and _painful_ and-

Dipper stood and rounded on the small boy cowering in the corner. " **IT WAS YOUR FAULT."**

Toby let out a strangled sob. "N-no please! I didn't do anything!" His face was white, all color having disappeared in his terror. His one eye was wide, and his aura was nothing but the awful color that showed that someone was afraid.

Dipper ignored him. " **IF YOU HADN'T MADE THAT DEAL FOR THAT STUPID CARTOON THEN SHE WOULD BE** _ **ALIVE."**_

"Alcor p-please!" Toby begged. Tears streamed down his face. "I-I didn't know. I'm sorry!"

Dipper- Alcor- approached the boy and grabbed his shirt. It would be so _easy_ to just end it. To take his life, consume his soul so it wouldn't come around again for a few centuries, and then just kill the next one. And the next one. And the next one.

" **IT'S YOUR FAULT!"**

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I know it's my fault! Everything's my fault!" Toby choked out. It sounded like something in between a sob and a scream. " _I'M SORRY._ "

Dipper dropped the shaking boy and sank to his knees. "She's dead." He sobbed. "She's dead and I'm alone again."

He should've been with her. Should've gone to her earlier and not waited for her to get older. She shouldn't have gone to that park, that park where the man with the knife was waiting. She should've stayed home and then she would be _alive and-_

Dipper felt one small arm wrap around him, and then another. Without thinking, Dipper pulled whoever was hugging him closer. Too late did he realize that it was Toby.

But he didn't push the boy away. In fact, he hugged him tighter. Dipper cried into his shoulder. Toby, who was centuries younger than him, became his anchor. The small boy comforting the big bad demon.

"I-I know I'm not _her_ ," Toby whispered. "But… as long as I'm here… y-you aren't alone. Not completely."

Dipper dug his claws into Toby's back, trying to pull him closer. Toby squeaked, but said nothing.

"I'm sorry, Toby." Dipper whispered.

Toby's only response was "you aren't alone."

And despite himself, Dipper smiled.

 _You make me happy when skies are gray_

-0-

 _Toby is twenty seven._

He feels Maddie's fear before she even opens the door. Dipper shoots up from the couch, ready to take someone down, when he sees that it's only Maddie and Toby and _oh no-_

Ten year old Maddie is practically dragging Toby inside. He is covered in blood and is clutching at his side. His face is white with fear or panic or loss of blood Dipper doesn't know.

Dipper yells something at Maddie, something along the lines of "get the bandages NOW!"

Maddie disappears down the hall and reappears moments later, bandages filling her arms. She dumps them on the ground, along with a towel.

 _Always thinking ahead. That's my Maddie._

The next few hours are a blur of bandages and salves and deals. Desperate attempts to save Toby's life as it slips out of him.

In the end, though, he lives. Dipper picks him up and carries him to his bedroom (which is really the guest room, but Toby is over so often that it's pretty much his room), opting to not blip him there in fear of doing something to the wound.

Dipper walks back to the living room, dragging his feet. It just didn't feel like a good time to float.

Maddie is sitting in a recliner, watching the hallway, waiting for him to return. He snaps his fingers, and the blood on the couch disappears. Dipper sits down and faces his daughter.

"Explain."

So she does. She tells him about the man that began following them on their way home. She tells him about how Toby confronted him. And she tells him about the man pulling a concealed knife on Toby.

Dipper's mind grows foggy. How _dare_ someone do that? How _dare_ someone pull a knife on Toby, _his_ Toby. How DARE someone hurt his son?

 _They will pay that man will pay he will PAY-_

"Dad? The walls are bleeding."

Dipper shakes his head, and the blood disappears. He sends Maddie to bed. It's way past her bedtime, and he doesn't want her to be tired in the morning.

After a few seconds, minutes, hours, Dipper blips to Toby's room to sit by his bed until he wakes up.

It takes a few hours, but eventually he stirs. He opens his one eyes and stares up at Dipper, and the demon can see that, even after all these years, he still has to suppress the urge to jump up and run.

Dipper doesn't wait for him to say anything. He just grabs the boy- man- and pulls him into a hug. Toby let's out a yelp of surprise and pain, but doesn't resist. He just wraps his arms around Dipper.

"You _**idiot.**_ " Dipper growls, but it's punctuated by a sob. "You could've _died._ "

Toby let's out a strangled laugh. "At least you'd finally get your one true wish."

Dipper growls again, this time more fierce, and pulls Toby even closer. "Don't say that."

"It's true though."

"Never."

They sit in silence for a few moments, and then Dipper begins to cry. He doesn't know why he's crying. He should be happy to see his mortal enemy in pain, but he can't bring himself to it. "You are an idiot, Toby Pines. An _idiot._ "

Toby laughs and sobs at the same time. "Yes, I know. And it's my fault and I should've been more careful and I deserve it and-"

"Shut up."

Toby shut's up.

"It's not your fault, and there's no way in _hell_ you deserve that." Dipper laughs, but it isn't happy. "I love you, you stupid kid. I love you so much."

Dipper can almost feel Toby's grin, can see it split his face in half. He can see his eye light up and sparkle the way it does when he's happy. Dipper hugs him tighter, and Toby does the same.

"I love you too, dad."

 _You'll never know dear how much I love you_

-0-

 _Toby is thirty three._

Dipper is looking at a picture of him, Maddie, and Toby that sits on Toby's desk when he feels it. The tug of a summons. He would usually ignore it, opting to wait for Maddie to get home instead, but he can feel the sacrifice used. _Human. Human blood._

This wasn't going to be pretty.

Dipper answers the summons.

He appears with his usual show. Black smoke, void skin, yellow lines. " **WHO DARES SUMMON ALCOR THE DREAMBEN-** "

Dipper cuts off.

There, in the center of the summoning circle, bleeding out the last of his life, is Toby.

" **WHAT IS THIS?!** "

The cultist tries to explain, asks him if he likes the sacrifice, asks him if to accept the deal. Dipper doesn't listen. He screams.

The cultists around him scream as well. They scream in fear as Dipper- as _Alcor_ \- rips down the walls of the summoning circle and _attacks_.

The next few minutes are a blur of blood and screams. Alcor would've loved to make it slow and painful, watch every single one of them struggle and beg for mercy, but he didn't have the time. Time. Time. Ti- _Toby._

Alcor searches for him in the mess of blood and candles, and he sees him. Lying in a pool of his own blood but untouched by the carnage around him.

Alcor kneels down next to the broken body of Toby. _His_ Toby. He grips the wrist of the boy, the man, the teen, whatever he was, in front of him and tries to drag them into the mindscape. _Too young too young TOO YOUNG._

"No." Toby chokes out. Blood begins to trickle out of his mouth.

"B-but… I can save you!" Dipper says. "Just a few deals and-"

Toby grabs Dipper's hand. "You know," Toby coughs, "you know you can't. M-my soul is the one-" he coughs again.

"Shh…" Dipper whispers, and he puts his hand on Toby's head. He strokes the young man's hair like he did so long ago on a night where Toby cried out for all that he had lost. Dipper takes away as much of the pain as he can, trying his hardest to let Toby go in peace.

Toby sighs in relief. "T-tell Maddie-"

"I will."

Toby blinks and stares up at Dipper. One lone tear makes its way down his face, and Dipper feels golden tears begin to leak out of his own eyes.

"I love you Toby. I always loved you." Dipper chokes out.

"I figured." Toby smiles and closes his eyes. "I love you too, dad. I always did."

Toby's grip on Dipper's hand slackens. He lets out one final breath, one final word. "Finally."

Toby's hand falls to the floor.

 _So please don't take my sunshine away._


End file.
